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  1. #1
    Melchizedek Priest Nephi's Avatar
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    suggestions for raising a family

    this morning, my wife, who is sick, was on her way out the door with both my daughters, when she realized she didnt have the money for my oldest daughter's lunch money. madi (the oldest daughter) has saved up some money from her allowence for some time. my wife asked her if she could give $2 of her allowence savings so she could eat lunch @ school.....

    ....madi flips out! she has a hiss fit, and screams her head off, destroying some glasses and other things in the kitchen along w/her fuss. this causes her younger sister to also freak out. this whole ordeal caused my wife to be late for work by 30 minutes!

    the problem here is that this is not an isolated incodent. another example: one day in the car, on the way home one saturday, we asked madi to clean her room. she once again flips out, and goes into such a rant as to scare my wife and i into thinking she would hurt herself. my wife works w/EB kids (or kids w/autism). when a child in her classroom goes balistic, she has to pin them to the ground until they finally calm down. well in the case of asking her to clean her room, we eventually resorted to pinning her to the ground. after pinning her down, she continued to try to get away, and ended up head butting my wife, causing a bad scare on her chin. she stayed pinned down until she final calmed down.... ....10 minutes after we initially pinned her down!

    madi is special. she has epilepsy, and i know the medication she is on can cause bad mood swings, but i am starting to fear for my family's safety. she is not autistic, though my wife thinks she "has a touch of it".

    more and more, though, my wife and i are having a conversation about putting madi in a home, or away, to protect the family as a whole. please help if you can. tell me your stories w/your children, and what you did when they would freak out. i was always told to ignore the actions of your children which you do not want to promote, and encourage the ones you like. this is working like a dream w/the youngest one, but for madi, it does not. my wife is starting to give up, and this family will not work if both of us are not in it together.

    i am resorting to these forums because i feel that there are alot of very loving families here. we love madi w/all our heart, and i think that if we did send her away, we wouldnt benefit any. PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN!!!!! thank you to all of you whom reply.
    Nephi
    "Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." -- D&C 122:9

  2. #2
    Registered User equus's Avatar
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    Prajna, I honestly feel bad for the situation you are in. that said I am no Certified Therapist either. I would sincerely advice you and Mrs. to find a good Child Psychologist who has dealt with children like yours. I FOR ONE MIGHT SAY PLEASE DONOT send off your baby like that...please don't, she needs family...she needs that TRUE UNSELFISH LOVE from Mommy and Daddy.....it might seem like a lot of pressure on your and Mummy...please bear it....Do get a Medical opinion on this prajna...don't go by our basic assumptions in life, like we do....she is the apple of your eye...help her anyway you can....there is no place like HOME....be watchful and guide her...she NEEDS love and not some third person telling her how to live her young life...darn, I am almost in tears here typing this...I am not as strong as I used to be when I was in service....my heart goes out for you...do,do,do go find a reputable Doctor who is very good in treating children...I am sure there are professionals here who will reply to this cry of help...mwfielder might know some one who might be of assistance....DONOT GIVE UP ON YOUR BABY... SHE NEEDS YOU NOW MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE......if there is anything I can do feel free to PM me. I will start checking out for some of Navy buddies who might know some doctors in this field....
    Funny it worked.....the last time! Now I am not sure what was working before they put a hole in my head !

  3. #3
    Melchizedek Priest Nephi's Avatar
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    i will check again through my EAP (employee assistance program) for a couselor. i have not given up, but my wife is pulling out her hair, here. i have never seen her as torn up as she was when i got home today.

    we absolutely love our children, and wouldnt want to do anything that would harm them. but having said that, that is the exact reason we are actually considering this. we are more fearful for the whole family. we will make it through this. i believe that not only would sending her away hurt madi, but her younger sister would never forgive us. the family would be doomed for sure that way. i just feel that madi has the ability to hurt us, physically. we will find help, soon...
    Nephi
    "Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." -- D&C 122:9

  4. #4
    Registered User CLEAmber's Avatar
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    I have spent the past 5 years working with children and adolescents with severe behavior problems. Most of these children have been removed from their homes and I have to tell you that it is not the ideal situation unless the child has made the home so unsafe that others in the home are at risk for serious harm. Having said that, I would suggest that you follow through with seeking out a child psychiatrist AND a child & family therapist who can work together to help you through this difficult time. When a child acts out in this way, the most effective interventions typically involve the whole family. There is no "easy fix," and the best thing you can do for Madi right now is be prepared to work hard and continue to show her how much you love her as you go through this process.
    Amber. I'm finally converged, and lovin' it!

  5. #5
    Registered User jpmihalk's Avatar
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    Prajna, my heart goes out to you. Be strong. I think you are already doing a lot of the common sense things and the more you and mom discuss this and agree on a course of action on a united front, the better off the family will be. Of course, I'm not a psychologist or anything close. But I do know that the power of love is one of the strongest known elements in the universe. It can change people like nothing else. It can move mountains. Love comes through actions and not words.

    Amber - it takes a special person to be able to do what you do. You have my respect and gratitude.
    John

  6. #6
    Melchizedek Priest Nephi's Avatar
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    amber: my wife does the same thing that you do, only in a school setting. she is well educated on how to deal w/outbursts, but neither of us have the psychological bg to be able to solve it on our own.

    i do appreciate everyone's input on this matter. amber, i solute you and my wife for what you do. you are both queens in my book...
    Nephi
    "Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." -- D&C 122:9

  7. #7
    Editor and Site Administrator Convergent's Avatar
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    prajna,

    Man, my heart and prayers are with you. We have 4 kids, and the oldest has a very strong will and at 17 has really been testing us severely. On a daily basis, my wife and her go at it. I doubt this approaches what you are dealing with, but I truly understand trying to decide if taking one of your children out of the house would make life safer and better. As the oldest, anything she manages to do is mimicked by the younger ones and multiplied. She's a good kid, but really struggling with something now and making life pretty tough on her and us.

    I don't feel qualified to even give you an opinion on it. I don know that there are a lot of good conselors and a lot of quacks. Make sure you are dealing with someone that shares your beliefs and faith. Don't just rely on what is recommended by other doctors or your insurance... as they may not be looking at it in the way that fits your family.

    Hang in there... and thanks for sharing what you are going through.
    Mike - Been Converged?

  8. #8
    Fisher of Men mwfielder's Avatar
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    I, too, have a "strong willed child", and my heart goes out to you. There are no right answers, except to love and cherish your child. If you have a Christian bent, or want another approach, check out James Dobson's new book (actually an updated book), called The New Strong Willed Child. I recall you and your wife have different ideas on faith, but it is well written and based on both the studies and the priniciples of the Bible.

    Be strong, consistent, and you can never give too much love.
    Jeremiah 29:11

  9. #9
    Melchizedek Priest Nephi's Avatar
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    Originally posted by mwfielder
    I, too, have a "strong willed child", and my heart goes out to you. There are no right answers, except to love and cherish your child. If you have a Christian bent, or want another approach, check out James Dobson's new book (actually an updated book), called The New Strong Willed Child. I recall you and your wife have different ideas on faith, but it is well written and based on both the studies and the priniciples of the Bible.

    Be strong, consistent, and you can never give too much love.
    tyvm mw. we do need some sort of of spiritual guidance on this as well. not only are we looking towards counselors, but we are also looking towards a church my wife and i have started going to recently. i was raised methodist, and the local methodist church is very large, which gives us a large community to help w/these issues as well... this will sound ignorant of me, but i didnt even think about inquiring @ the church about this until you brought up the idea of faith within this all..... mw i really appreciate the advice....

    again, to all of you, your time and suggestions show just how much of a community we have here @ pdaphonehome. thanks again!
    Nephi
    "Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." -- D&C 122:9

  10. #10
    Fisher of Men mwfielder's Avatar
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    My prayers are with you, brother...
    Jeremiah 29:11

  11. #11
    Melchizedek Priest Nephi's Avatar
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    mwfielder: hey, i figured you would be interested in this. tonight my family and i were invited to a potluck @ a church. i am very spiritual, as you know, but i have never found a church that i feel comfortable in.

    ironically, this church has given me a very warm feeling, that most churches try to do, but never quite give me the "warm fuzzies". its the morman church thats not even a block from our house. very family oriented feeling, much moreso than any other church i have tried (and trust me, i have tried them all).

    i hope to find something i can learn from their teachings (i am not one to argue whether what they are telling me is true or not, more that i am looking for lessons). they are very tight knit, but very open to others. they made us feel very much @ home. i hope to find a good church for my family, as i know that will help us in raising them correctly. though it is possible to raise a family w/o a church, the church community is definately a better and less stressful way to do so.
    Nephi
    "Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." -- D&C 122:9

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